Missing You

Felt weird to post these thoughts on Facebook, where so many more people see, but wrong to share anywhere else, where we had so many conversations.

We used to chat several times a week. You would gush about your beautiful family and share gorgeous and carefully framed pictures of the flowers and birds that I never seemed to have time to stop for. You helped me with my fics... constantly it felt like. An unseen presence behind my writing reminding me to be kind to my characters. To allow them occasional fluff and wicked glances.

A few months after I posted a chapter, I found out we lost you. I couldn't look at my writing after that, or facebook Not for months. Everytime I did, it just... hurt. When it stopped hurting, the words wouldn't come.

I finally picked it up again this week. A year and a half later. I didn't get far--maybe 500 words. A bit rusty from avoidance, I'm afraid. Then today, the first day of the new year, the new decade, I saw a gorgeous winter rose in my neighbour's garden.

I stopped and took a moment for it, and I thought of you. I hope you are enjoying the flowers I know are blooming for you. I hope you take long walks, pick fresh apples, and sing to yourself. I hope you have an endless supply of fun lipsticks, hats and shoes to play with, and I hope you laugh while you watch your beloved family and friends. I hope you know you brought joy to everything you touched.

So. Didn't want my thoughts to be private, like I'm ashamed, but it doesn't feel right posting it directly on your Facebook wall either.

And yes, I promise, I'll stop being a coward and get that thing checked out. Blessed New Year, my friend.

Tyche's Writing Challenge - Seeking Artist

Hi Everyone!

I've created a closed facebook group to issue writing challenges and prompts from. I'll be rolling it out this weekend and anyone who wishes to is more than welcome to join and make use of the monthly challenge/prompts. I am currently trying to decide if I should either cross post them here/create a corresponding Live Journal group. Thoughts?

I'm also currently looking for an artist that is willing to either create or donate a previously created banner for the cover of the page. Please let me know if you are such an artist. I would really appreciate it.

Would love to hear your thoughts--

Fest Anxieties

Whelp. I've gone and done it. I've signed up for another fest even though I swore I'd quit doing that after I had to drop out of the last two I tried. The thinking about it is driving me round the twist. I'm not sure what it is about fests--they are supposed to be only fun, but they always hype me into an anxious, competetive overdrive. Each time I am determined to present a well thought out, interesting fic that satisfies on more than just one level/dimension. I am determined to make my prompter/giftee ridiculously happy, and spend half the fest wringing my hands and worrying that I won't succeed. I get so obsessive that I have friends who refuse to talk to me during fest months.

When it's finally over and turned in, I'm usually extremely pleased and relieved...until it posts. Then I anxiously read the comments and worry about hidden meanings or why THIS person commented THAT whilst THAT person didn't comment at all but did on other people's fics. I'm never so insane about comments or reviews when I'm just writing normal fanfiction. I think it's because I know the people here better, and know that they are exceptional writers, and hold their opinion with higher esteem than I do the random reviewer on AO3 or FFN.

It's honestly exhausting, and I have no idea why I do it to myself. Is it only me, or do other fest-goers have similar feelings of anxiety about how their work is received?

*stares at the screen for several moments, watching the curser blink*

I think I keep pushing myself into these things because after the unavoidable freak out happens, and the fic is finished, I'm genuinely proud of what I've done. Look at me! I've completed a fic, which is not something I'm especially good at. I have dozens of half finished fics in "Tyche's Bunny Pound." Not only is it finished, but it's generally something I feel like I can be proud of. Getting Past Broken and Happily Ever After the Fact both came out of fests/exchanges. I come away learning something.

And even though I know that my fics were not my giftee's favourites in the fest (which really, considering how many incredible, talanted writers and artists sign up, is entirely understandable), I am proud of them. And hope springs eternal that one day fests will be "easy" for me. Or at least won't induce panic attacks.

We get our prompts tomorrow. So at least the worry about not knowing what to write will fade as I formulate a plot. I can instead start my insane process of outlining, reading some of their works (if I haven't already) reading some of their favourite fics (if I haven't already) and hyperventalating about writing for THAT AMAZING writer/artist. *sigh* Wish me luck, friends!

Severus, Redux: Chapter Twenty-Seven

A couple notes before we begin: A helpful anonymous reviewer pointed out after the last chapter that as of this time, Severus is still three weeks (twenty days to be exact) short of the wizarding age of majority of seventeen, and yet is engaging in sexual acts. This is correct, and while some may disapprove, it is not illegal, as the age of consent in the UK (and many other nations/states/provinces) is sixteen. As I have already included graphic sex in the warnings for this story (see above), I did not think further warning was required. For those of you who disagree, here is your warning: more sex to follow, he is still sixteen for twenty more days.

Which brings us to the note number two. In preparation for writing this and the last chapter, I polled several people (both male and female) about their own first experiences. The result that came back was clear in only one way: everyone is different. Everyone had different levels of apprehension, enjoyment and/or pain. I ask that you please bear this in mind, and do not read this chapter with the expectation that it will perfectly match your personal experience.

Chapter Twenty-Seven:(In which there is conversation and the loss of virginity.)

Collapse )